Not a harmless joke: Speaking out against homophobia

Written by Melissa De Angelis

Scene from Call Me By Your Name, a movie created in 2017 by Luca Guadanino that is based on the novel Call Me By Your Name written by André Aciman. The plot outlines a love story between two young men, Oliver, and Elio, that begins when Oliver stays at Elio’s home in Italy for the summer. They are faced with the challenge of trying to hide their love for one another in fear of scrutiny and ridicule while also struggling to come to terms with the fact that their relationship would never be accepted.

I remember both hearing and using the phrase, “that’s so gay!”, before I even knew what ‘being gay’ meant. I remember my schoolmates in elementary school using the word “f*g” to insult and bully. I remember being extremely confused when I was called a “dyke” while playing with my elementary school best friend during recess. From a very young age, my only knowledge of being gay was its association with being bad, stupid, and weird.

The normalization of homophobia through everyday vernacular is something that modern society has grown accustomed to. What may seem like a harmless joke, or an offhand comment, is laden with detrimental repercussions. The use of homophobic language is often the first form of exposure that young children have to homosexuality. Instead of understanding that homosexuality involves same-sex relationships, their understanding is that being gay is not ok and that homophobia is acceptable. This indoctrination of homophobia through language eventually progresses from ‘harmless jokes’ and ‘offhand comments’ to violence targeted towards members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people face disproportionate levels of physical, mental, and sexual violence. In 2018, Statistics Canada found that LGBTQ+ members were three times more likely than straight Canadians to be physically or sexually assaulted. The findings further revealed that members of the community are more than twice as likely as straight Canadians to experience inappropriate sexual behavior in the public, at educational institutions, and at work. These horrific statistics are quite revealing. Although the normalization of homophobic language cannot completely account for the excessive violence faced by members of the LGBTQ+ community, this normalization serves to justify these violent acts. Homophobic language can directly lead to physical homophobic violence.

When individuals are conditioned from a young age to associate being gay with hatred, ostracization, and contempt, they grow up believing these things about homosexuality. Whether this is being outwardly homophobic by being a part of the marginalization of gay people or internalizing homophobia and refusing to accept oneself as gay, the normalization of homophobic language has extremely dangerous consequences.

Although completely changing society’s conception of homophobic language cannot be done overnight, there are effective ways society can work towards dismantling the indoctrination of homophobia within youth. First, the introduction of homosexual relationships within the modern education system and prominent media outlets such as films, TV shows, books, and video games can help reconstruct the way homosexuality is first presented to young children. Instead of associating the word gay with negative and harmful comments, being gay is presented as what it is, a type of sexuality. Instead of hindering young children’s exposure to homosexuality and subsequently limiting them to derogatory comments about the word gay, we should be teaching youth to instead, embrace different sexualities.

Second, staying silent is not an option. Actively using homophobic language is not the only way homophobia has become normalized. Refusing to correct homophobic language sends a similar message — homophobic language is ok and being gay is not. I am guilty of this myself; it is quite easy to let a homophobic comment slide when it comes out of the mouth of your family member or significant other; however, these situations should be treated as an opportunity to educate. Correcting homophobic language is a small but important facet to destigmatizing the word gay and society’s understanding of homosexuality.

So, next time you feel the urge to say, “that’s so gay” or hear your friend jokingly call someone a “queer”, I encourage you to think about the dangers homophobic language can cause. It may just appear as a harmless joke or an offhand comment to you, but it may be contributing to something much more dangerous.